So you wanna be a yogi….? by Kate Walker

So you wanna be a yogi huh? Well let me fill you in on what exactly you’re getting yourself into shall I? 

Yoga, so relaxing. Deep breathing, meditate for hours, be stretchy like Gumby and you’re on your way to being the best version of yourself, right? WRONG! That’s not all there is to being a true yogi and living the yogi lifestyle. 

For starters, if you don’t show up wearing Lulu leggings and the sports bra that matches, why are you even here? Oy! Did you just say you eat meat?! Eww! What kind of yogi are you? Vegetarian diet ONLY! Don’t you dare eat that delicious little chicken nugget or that juicy burger with all the things on it! Did you just eat the bun?! Oh my god gross!!!

Meditate every day. A minimum of two hours a day, that’s the yogi way! You’ll become the best you and shine that light everyone seems to always be talking about. I don’t know about you but I’ve never seen any magical light shining from the other people in class. Just A LOT of heavy breathing. 

Never been to a class before? Let me fill you in!

You walk into the studio. Literally everyone is smiling. Why are they all smiling?! Is this a cult? What have I gotten myself into? I’ve seen shows about these things. Don’t make eye contact, that’s how they get ya! You can’t sit just anywhere either. Everyone and I mean everyone has their own spot and you just hope you haven’t taken someone else’s spot, remember you don’t ever mess with a cult! Sit in the corner Yep. This is safe. The teacher walks in, he seems nice but he’s REALLY smiling. He must be their leader! He tells the class “lets move into our downward facing dog” a downward facing what? You look around the room, oh I’ve seen my dog do this before. I got this. I’m nailing it! I think I am. Oh god. How much longer are we going to be in this pose? I’m going to fall over. Any second. Oh god this guy is pure evil.

This is definitely a cult! I want to go home, now!

Final pose he says, “Savasana” Oh. This. This is yoga. I can dig it!