It’s not always love and light

I don’t know if i’ve mentioned this in class or even publicly but I have been struggling with anxiety for as long as I can remember. My anxiety is actually the reason I began taking yoga after high school because I found it to be very beneficial when I was in school and wanted to continue on after.

I would wake up in the morning already drained from trying to remember and accomplish a long list of tasks that I would base my own happiness on. If I didn’t get to the end of the list I wouldn’t feel accomplished.

Recently in addition to my anxiety i’ve been diagnosed with adult ADHD. I just want to remind everyone before I continue sharing that adult adhd and childhood adhd can look very different. The reason for my disclaimer is because for the few people I've disclosed this diagnosis with i’ve been met with “I wouldn’t have guessed that" and “You don’t seem like someone with ADHD"

Three of the best ways to treat adult ADHD are education, medication, and constant readjusting of systems within your cognitive brain. With those three tools in hand it can still feel EXHAUSTING to manage to do even simple tasks because adults with ADHD have to always have a system in place…and another system to remember that system…and another timer to alert them that it’s time to do that thing.

Having a diagnosis can be a 50/50 experience. Part of me is happy that I can pin point all of the struggles i’ve dealt with and put a label on it. Part of me is frustrated that it took this long to get a diagnosis after exhibiting 17 out of 20 of the diagnosis criteria from “Driven to Distraction”

I wanted to come forward and share this with you all because I think it's important to remember that it’s not always love and light. Some days will be green smoothies and yoga, other days will be unwashed hair and a bag of potato chips. This is normal. This is life.

I keep hearing people throwing around the words “toxic positivity” which is essentially the constant reassurance that you should always be happy and no matter what it’s going to be okay!

The problem with toxic positivity is that sometimes things aren’t great. And while things aren’t always great, they are still valid experiences for us to live through and to learn from. You grow through what you go through.

Even when things feel hard and heavy just remember--its not always love and light..but it doesn't have to be.

Yoga has helped me with removing this expectation that everything has to be a certain way for it to be a positive experience. I think its important to work on reframing all experiences to see how they've helped us mature and grow.

Even when you’re having a bad day, remember you are always welcome to come to your mat. You don’t have to be having the perfect day to take a yoga class. Your teacher doesn't have to be having the perfect day to teach either.

I want to stress how normal all of this is because we are all just human. There is no “good, better, best" measurement of mood/experience/people. It all is just ‘existence’.

So…I see you with your messy bun and stained clothes and I want you to make it to your mat today. Create your own love and light.