Boundaries are Yogic
Chances are, you have (or have recently had) a situation in your life that calls for the setting of boundaries.
Does the notion of setting boundaries make you seize up? Do you think, "Oh, no, I hate confrontation"? Do you think, "They never listen to me"? Do you think, "I don't like what this person is doing but setting hard boundaries isn't nice, isn't kind, isn't YOGIC"?
Let me set the record straight for you right now: Setting boundaries is the MOST yogic thing you can do in a relationship (business or personal).
Have you ever heard the expression, "You teach others how to treat you by what you tolerate"? This is TRUTH. Read it again: You teach others how to treat you by what you tolerate. Every time you tolerate meanness, disrespect, cruelty, thoughtlessness, theft of your time or money, or anything else unpleasant that someone is doing, you're saying, "That's okay. Do it again."
And they will. They always will. Because they can.
It's not enough to just yell at someone when they subject you to unacceptable behavior. If you yell at them, then re-create the environment for them to repeat the behavior, they will. Over and over.
Because they've determined that whatever they're getting out of hurting you is worth a few screamy moments from you.
You need to create a REAL boundary. And that looks like this:
"I don't like it when you call me names. I don't mind disagreeing with you once in a while, but if during a disagreement you call me an *sshole or a jerk or a bitch or any other name, it's going to cross a boundary and we won't be talking again for two weeks. I don't tolerate that disrespect."
This is just an example. The consequences depend on who this person is to you and what you can manage. But it needs to make an impact. It could be a smaller issue, such as, "I know you have a busy life and I really appreciate you making time for me and I love spending time with you, but when you're more than 15 minutes late for our lunch dates it throws me off my daily schedule. So the next time you're going to be 15 minutes late, please text me ahead of time so I can decide if I need to move on with my day and reschedule seeing you."
Setting a boundary means you are not making yourself AVAILABLE anymore for a particular shoddy behavior, and you clearly state that it's a hard line, and you clearly say you won't tolerate it.
And if a person crosses that boundary, don't yell or get upset or freak out. Just make good on what you said you'd do and DO IT. Even if you don't love it. Because they're choosing to not respect you.
Your boundary means nothing unless you 1) state it clearly, 2) say there will be consequences, and MOST IMPORTANTLY, 3) make good on those consequences.
And I get it, if you're "nice," the idea of setting boundaries doesn't seem "nice." But look where nice is getting you with this person -- it's getting you headaches and zero respect.
Setting boundaries is the MOST yogic thing you can do. Here's why: When you set clear boundaries, you are creating an opportunity for someone to step up and be a better person. They will have to make an effort to treat you well. That will make them better.
And if they don't step up and treat you well, that's their unfortunate decision. So you follow through on your consequences and decide, is this person worth having in your life or spending time with? A person who won't make an effort to be better where it's important to you? This is up to you. It might be a parent or someone else you don't feel you can cut off; I understand that. But keep holding your boundaries and consequences to minimize this person's negative effect on your well-being.
Think about physical boundaries: baby-proof gates, closed doors. They're there for protection.
They're there to send a signal: I don't want you in here right now, either for your safety and well-being or for my safety and well-being. You can even visualize a white light boundary all around you when you're having a bad day; see the negativity bounce off the force field without touching you.
You can also imagine a glowing ball of sunshiny yellow light at your solar plexus; this is your solar plexus chakra, the energy of self esteem and personal power. Shine this inner light bright when it's time to set a boundary!
Setting boundaries keeps relationships healthy and enforces self-respect and self-love. (By the way, Self-Love Mythbusters Workshop is happening at Emerald Yoga on Sept. 17! What a great way to start reinforcing your desire for healthy boundaries!)